@InkedUpKidder: The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me..
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@thatUPSdude: Boss: Are you done with those reports yet? Me: Can you stop hovering over me? Boss: Sorry [turns off jetpack] Me: Much better.
@XplodingUnicorn: I stopped my pig from eating a penny. I don't know why. I was so close to having a real live piggy bank.
@WhitfordBradley: And Jesus said "If the lepers cannot afford healthcare, let them suffer, for poverty is a character issue."