@InkedUpKidder: The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me..
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@WheelTod: People complain about crying babies on airplanes, but in my experience a crying pilot is worse.
@UniqueDude2: *Blows air in girls face like Nintendo cartridge* "Ok, NOW will you go out with me?"
@sliver_of: Imagine how much fatter we’d all be if they made snack bags less noisy so we could finally snack in peace
@myonlymizztake: Autocorrect changed fries to friend and I think I've offered to eat my friend. I'm not sure if I should clarify, or see where it goes.