@InkedUpKidder: The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me..
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@TheDreamGhoul: I watched Mad Max and now I'm riding my dog around my living room using two bananas as guns
@ArfMeasures: [during a huddle in a crucial ice hockey match] ME: Ok listen up guys [all the other players look at me] ME: Is....is anyone else cold?
@lafpgh: He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets.
@ceejoyner: Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick.