@JohnHilsen: The sauciest 1% of Americans are saucier than the bottom 95% combined.
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@BlindChow: *interrogating cat* Admit it! You're a Communist! "Meow" A no-good red! "Meow" Tough guy eh? "Meow" We can do this all night. "Mao" You–wait
@ruthakers: I hate when my kids say "But mom; it was an accident!" So were you pumpkin, but I still have to take responsibility for you.
@gurl_sour: Forever Alone Barbie: Comes with 20 cats, and a Twitter account. Alcoholism and debilitating depression not included.