@JohnHilsen: The sauciest 1% of Americans are saucier than the bottom 95% combined.
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@Storminika: I like to take candy from a kid cause sugar is bad for them. Then, I eat it in front of them while saying, "don't do this"
@iGreenMonk: I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.
@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.