@JohnHilsen: The sauciest 1% of Americans are saucier than the bottom 95% combined.
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@longwall26: Life got you down? Just remember that you will never be as confused and sad as the friends and relatives of the world's first clown.
@kumailn: Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time.
@Ideal_Victoria: Life doesn't do much to prepare you for when a coworker gets bangs and asks what you think of her hair.
@Rollinintheseat: When I get cold in a movie theater, I pull a CVS receipt out of my purse and use it as a blanket.