@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.
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@therichards5: <in bed> <hears ice maker> OMG! I'm going to get murdered! <hears a/c come on> OMG! I'm going to get murdered <dog barks at door> STFU!
@WilliamRodgers: I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave "quicker"
@funflaps: AXL ROSE: Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go-o-o-o? GOOGLE MAPS: Shut up for a minute and I'll tell you
@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.