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@topaz_kell: If you're upset with someone, write down your feelings in a message. Put the message in a bottle. Hit them over the head with the bottle.
@iinkedZombie: My son asked me what it's like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn't sleep.
@LackOfShame: H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am.
@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears