@HeyZeus666: The sign said 'Free Range Chickens'. So, I took some.
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@jedfudally: childrens alphabet books are the only thing keeping us from forgetting what a xylophone is
@InternetHippo: ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise
@johnbiehl: Reasons to keep spiders around 1. Eat flying insects 2. Occasional source of protein during sleep 3. We make rad webs 4. They do i mean they
@OmarImranTweets: "Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* "Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop" ISIS:"ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"