@ShawnHatosy: The so called genius at the Apple Store mentioned he has a girlfriend; thus, his geek credibility is compromised & I don't trust his advice.
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@Tmoney68: I'll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.
@novicefather: A breakfast buffet at my funeral so people will be happy. But with soy bacon and chia seed pancakes so they know it's a time to grieve.
@ghostkrogh: Me (getting choked): who called it getting new tires Guy (who is choking me): how are you breathing Me (dying): and not a retirement plan
@Fred_Delicious: *knock at the door* "H...hello?" "Hi, i'm not a mouse" "Phew, that's good because im a large block of cheese, lemme just open thARGGGHHHHHHH