@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
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@Pirate_nurse: To be clear...putting your entire fist in your mouth should be a party trick saved for after Uncle Barry leaves
@XplodingUnicorn: Magic words that make my children disappear: 3) Bath time 2) Who did this?! 1) When I was your age...