@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
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@MikeCanRant: Hi yes, I'd like the cheeseburger "How would you like that cooked?" *gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"
@GrowlyGrego: My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there's only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person.