@robfee: The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend.
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@XplodingUnicorn: How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
@clemdytan: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.