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@buriedwithkids: My mom wants to see 50 Shades of Gray with me... I screamed, "OH HELL NO" and suggested we see Cinderella instead.
@justincousson: "I know you! You were one of the bad guys in Titanic!" I yelled at the ocean, who ignored me like most celebrities.
@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@mess_of_petals: [My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours.