@colegamble: The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, "Living the dream" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Book_Krazy: Ok, Don't let them know you're an egg "Mr Yolk, you are 20 minutes late for this interview" [drags on cig] I was getting laid by a chick
@rickkondell: If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
@gerryhallcomedy: If anyone on the street asks for directions - give directions to YOUR house. Then run home, put on music and wait for your new best friend!