@SuadShamma: "The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."
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@BigPlanetEarth: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Film reactions. Profit.
@PaperWash: Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.