@attsmcjay: The sun will come out tomorrow, and unfortunately so will other people.
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@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@prufrockluvsong: The waiter who's drawn the short straw today steps up to my table with a gulp. Him: Fresh Parmesan? Me: MAKE IT RAAAAIN!
@crabgirl_: *Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?