@Sarcasmo718: The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training.
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@bonehugsnirony: The best way to move on after a breakup is to be open to trying new things. Today I'm throwing rocks at joggers.
@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly
@richardosman: My answer to the question "where would you most like to work?" is the same as to the question "what's your favourite dog?" Chocolate lab.
@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.