@Sarcasmo718: The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training.
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@Humor_Fetish: Friend: "Did you bring condoms?" Me: "No need. If I'm drunk enough to talk to a girl, I'm way too drunk to get it up."
@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
@iGreenMonk: She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight? Me: But darling i'm a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?
@HeyZeus666: With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity.