@shanethevein: The tampon aisle is a terrible place to pick up chicks.
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@TitansHomer: Him: Can you believe what's going on in Egypt? Me: Yeah...it's crazy...I gotta go. Bye. Me: *googles what's happening in Egypt?*
@ruinedpicnic: [Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent's jacket] Terrorist: FBI? Agent: uhhh Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector
@TheBoydP: Not to brag but my son's friend said "Your dad looks hot" when I was cleaning the pool. She followed with "Is that heat stroke?" but still.