@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: You were right. Me: Say it again. Wife: You were right. Me: Again. Wife: You were right. Me: One more time. Wife: You wer- *wakes up*
@ashlar36: Fact: Canadians are legally allowed to be late for work once a week for 'reindeer related delays.'
@iamspacegirl: [mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*
@david8hughes: [donating blood] "You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."