@JennyJohnsonHi5: The Teen Choice Awards air tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren't allowed to vote.
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@VictorscarletJ: 70 yr old boss: i have the body of a fit 30 yr old. Me: where? Buried in your rose garden?
@Floatersfinest: People laugh cos I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?
@KyleMcDowell86: IN CASE OF FIRE BREAK GLASS *breaks glass* *a glazed honey ham pops out* "Nice nice"
@KamaroPayne: My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche.