@squirrel74wkgn: The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired...and all of Target went silent.
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@TitaniumToplass: I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. nnThe police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.
@BlindChow: INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: ʸᵉˢ INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Excuse me, ma'am. Your car doesn't make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.