@ObscureGent: The Titanic was unsinkable until Leo DiCaprio had premarital sex with Kate Winslett. Keep it in your pants until marriage kids.
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@rockymomax: [castle wall] KNIGHT: the enemy is advancing ME: *panicking* close the gates! man your battle stations! KNIGHT: their chariots are pulled by puppies ME: keep the gates half open. let’s see how this plays out
@awkwardphilippe: Wanna go out with me? Make an awkward face for yes. Name the entire periodic table for no.
@dave_cactus: AMBER: Can you put a candle in my husband's burger? WAITRESS: Aww, of course. Is it his birthday? AMBER: No, I just want to see him eat a candle.
@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes