@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
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@ArfMeasures: ME: Ugh hate summer when bees are flying everywhere BEE [angrily undoing seatbelt on plane] I'm gonna sting him BEE WIFE:Just leave it David
@TheAlexNevil: Parents: don't give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don't know what you're talking about.
@WilliamAder: Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
@kellysdf: All those political ads are very convincing. They convinced me to stop watching television.