@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
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@TheAlexNevil: I'm teaching 7 it's ok for a man to cry, & it's also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes ‘hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*
@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.