@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
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@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.
@Shock_Monster: So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I'm a douche.nnBatman does it & it's a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard.
@_Pandy: seven swans to rule them all, six geese to find them, five gold rings to bring them all, and in the pear tree bind them
@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...