@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
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@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
@tastefactory: *bumps into an acquaintance in a world where there's no such thing as weather* Uhhhhhhhhhhh
@dammit_emma: officer, buying weed from a guy who sells on the side is basically shopping local. you should be THANKING me for supporting our community.
@ariscott: [Day after Xmas] 7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me 9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast