@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
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@RandiLawson: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi
@thetits: BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife* CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno "reverse" card* B: SHIT ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*
@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!