@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
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@mstluvstrinkets: I like to slip a Honey Boo Boo episode in every once in awhile to remind my husband that it could be worse.
@RamblingMachine: I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so.
@chaddaniels34: Sometimes when my wife tells me she loves me I get the feeling it's the tennis kind.
@amydillon: [sits next to friend in a coma, holding her hand] "Squeeze once if that's an 8 at the end of your HBO Go password."