@AdmiralAkbrown: The trouble with cops is if one's a douchebag you can't ask to speak to a manager.
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@sofarrsogud: My son was like 'I got a D in my maths' and I was like 'That's really bad' and my wife was like 'you need to stop doing his homework'.
@HomeProbably: [at restaurant] Table for two please. “Do you have reservations?” Yes, this place looks like a dump but I’m hungry.