@wesjohnson8: The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.
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@cheeky__gal: I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can't tell because I'm eating Doritos.
@ericsshadow: My wife just texted "I'm too young to die" after they announced her United flight is overbooked.
@jakob_huber: Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
@MamaFlores: Clicks "open" Tries door Clicks "open" Tries door Clicks "open" Tries door What the FU.. Wrong car (I have a master's degree)