@jlock17: The Twelve Days of Christmas would cost$107,000 this year which is relatively cheap considering the amount of human trafficking in the song.
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@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight? Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week? Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@dubiousrhetoric: KILLER [burying me alive]: ME: I appear to be in... grave danger. KILLER [calls the police]:
@shutupmikeginn: Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol' what's his name Friend: Shia Lebouff Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck
@Schmoodles: Don't talk to me about your drinking problems until you've tried to make your cat wear your contact lenses because he looked a bit squinty.