@shutupmikeginn: The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: The only time a man has ever asked me "do you have a sister?" was just to make sure he avoided dating her too.
@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.