@theshamingofjay: The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer.
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@meladoodle: Spoil any movie by telling ur friend “Ice Cube dies” before they watch it. They’ll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time
@donni: It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house
@carlyken: "I'd like one personal pizza please" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. "Whoa maybe not that personal"
@thatUPSdude: I'm not saying all my friends are Pot Heads But we did have a 2 hour discussion on how Sponge Bob Grills underwater