@theshamingofjay: The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer.
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@notalogin: [Interview] CEO: Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm? GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:
@ch000ch: if you're feeling stressed out, just relax, take a deep breath, and exhale fire over all of your enemies. this is more for dragons btw
@QwertyJones3: TIME TRAVELER: I'm here from the future ME: Really? Who wins the election? TT: Omg it's such a disgrace ME: You need to be more specific