@WetzelGeek: The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
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@Ygrene: [seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on] oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad
@UrbanDouchebag: Book Of Tim, 3:13. Behold, the lord said unto them, leave not your nachos unattended for quickly they become the spoils of thieving women.
@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
@NoogsCorner: After drinking that much, I just hope whatever I bring back home is some sort of human.