@WetzelGeek: The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
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@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."
@ceejoyner: Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
@zachreinert03: I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn't for me