@CheetohFace: The Westboro Baptist Church is planning on picketing Fred Phelps funeral. I'm not sure they even know what they're doing anymore, you guys.
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@drhappyknuckles: I'm writing a screenplay where a shark attacks people at the beach but, like, emotionally.
@myvisable: If a woman is bad at parking it's because she is constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
@iGreenMonk: Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Me: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.