@InsouciantMan: The winds of change can blow me.
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@toomanytoes: Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard.
@1Happytwit: If someone asks what you do for a living and you reply "I'm a lunatic" they won't ask any more questions.
@RubenWriter: The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark.
@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?