@IamEnidColeslaw: the worst part of senior prom was definitely dropping my date and my grandfather's ashes going EVERYWHERE
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@PaperWash: me: God? God: yes my child me: I need help- God: ask and thou shall receive me: -moving into my new apt God: me: God: me: hello?
@KentWGraham: After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn’t stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we’d all be a lot skinnier.
@_knuck_: *peeing in the urinal at McDonalds* *turns to the guy peeing in the other urinal* "So, what did you order?"