@IamEnidColeslaw: the worst part of senior prom was definitely dropping my date and my grandfather's ashes going EVERYWHERE
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@joshuadun: I'm going to name my daughter Chilada so that when her siblings have children, they will call her Aunt Chilada.
@zoeklar: stan is such a liar - at first he's like "i'm your biggest fan" but THEN he says his little brother matthew likes eminem even more than him
@SherBoBer: WebMD has a mobile app now. An app!!! A quick, easy and convenient way to diagnose yourself with cancer anywhere!
@WeissBrandon: Me: excuse me waitress, I ordered this filet medium-rare and it's clearly a peanut butter and jelly Wife: did you just call me "waitress"?