@chicnlil1: The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses..
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@YayForJam: Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. "A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"
@radtoria: Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.
@PastorBate: Sea cucumbers are actually animals, so regular cucumbers are either lying or they need to step their game up.
@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen