@sofarrsogud: The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@BradBroaddus: My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.