@sofarrsogud: The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here.
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@ScottLinnen: Your "COEXIST" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.
@Merman_Melville: At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die
@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it
@WilliamRodgers: I love when people spend 7 minutes trying to back into a parking space just so they can leave "quicker"