@KalvinMacleod: Their palms are sweaters, knees sweatery, arms are sweaters. There's more sweater on their sweater already.
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@sock_holliday: [Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week
@GroperCleveland: Apple CEO Tim Cook has come out as gay. This totally explains why the new iPhone charger holes became tighter after Steve Jobs died.
@garrettbarry70: Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!
@Reverend_Scott: u don't need dangerous marijuana pot get high on life -ride a bike -read a good book -make a sacrifice to the dark lord -watch a sunset