@kwirkyKerri: Then Satan said, "Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free." And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015.
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@ThaJawn: *hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing
@FrankConniff: I'm an Obama supporter but there's no escaping the harsh truth that Batman v Superman happened on his watch.
@liv_thatsme: My therapist told me to put away my phone and spend more time with my friends, but it’s like: hey, which is it?
@PaperWash: Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks