@BadaBinge: There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.
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@TCsSideBitch: *standing outside your house I was totally going to stalk you but... *pets your dog instead
@joejwest: [knocking at the door] VOICE OUTSIDE: Open up this is the fashion police! ME: [furiously flushing bandanas down the toilet] JUST A SECOND
@ilovepie84: I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep