@_davidlucas_: There are 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in Melbourne for a conference. So I'll be answering the door naked this weekend.
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@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@mrbuster60: "My uncle is a dead person guy". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician
@Kalarlis: sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i'm not a real cop but no one told me i'm pretty today
@geowizzacist: I just stabbed a pin in my arm. Somewhere out there a bunch of voodoo dolls just said 'Ouch.'