@NurseSeymour: There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry.
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@internetluke: [Seahawks locker room] Coach: okay if we want to win we will need to have a bigger number for the score! Wilson: well put! Well put!
@Gre_Gone: [Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?
@AsgardianRose: Being an adult means I'm in charge of my own bedtime, and I've realized I'm not equipped to handle that responsibility.
@bossy_bootz: I notice you only call when you want something Person calling: ma'am your bill is 90 days past due