@weinerdog4life: There is a button on my microwave that says "super clown" and I do not ever push that button
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@_lesleyallan: “so she’s gay now?” yeah she turned in all the paperwork last week and her acceptance letter came this morning, it was all pretty sudden
@desi_princess: Are we stopping for ALL pedestrians now? I can understand kids & the elderly. But everyone else should be able to dodge cars.
@Marlebean: It's good to make mistakes in front of your children to teach them they don't have to be perfect. And also the truth that you're a moron.
@TheCatWhisprer: Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home. [goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]