@weinerdog4life: There is a button on my microwave that says "super clown" and I do not ever push that button
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@UnFitz: Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say "iron whilst damp." I still have no idea when to iron that thing.
@spcycucumber: Its not what it looks like officer! "you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n'sync" Ok I guess it was what it looked like
@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.