@GonzoVice: There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things.
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@weinerdog4life: one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
@JUSTLisandra: Having my wisdom teeth pulled. They have nothing left to teach me. I must learn on my own from now on.
@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.
@daemonic3: [at zoo] Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K.