@abhorrent_wife: There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room.
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@AristotlesNZ: Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena.
@WordsOfaHooker: "So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?" "We enjoy eating out and trying new food." "So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"