@ninjadinosaur1: There is no law stating that you have to explain why you're carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.
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@omgthatspunny: My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
@iwearaonesie: *wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING
@caithuls: PROFESSOR: Please don't speak without raising your h- ME: [raises hand] PROFESSOR: [wheeling cadaver table away from me] I meant your own hand