@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
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@murrman5: [during dinner on a date] "I'm currently in university" how long is your degree? "normally a year, but I have dial up, so probably 2"
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"
@shutupmikeginn: Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol' what's his name Friend: Shia Lebouff Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck
@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.