@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
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@primawesome: All I want for Christmas is a survivalist training course so I can finally move to the woods, go off the grid, and not participate in society anymore until the government hunts me down and begs me to help them with a matter of national security, which I refuse.
@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
@jilleb163: I didn't realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit "shuffle" in a car with a 12-year-old in it.
@TheCatWhisprer: The only thing I do to get my body ready for summer is make sure my AC is serviced.