@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
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@FauxFawx: [on a date with a caribou as a favor to my sister] me: so...did you like the movie? caribou: *knocks over candy display & tramples 3 kids*
@withanewname: Wife: "you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?" Me: "why?" W: M: W: "they're running along side the car"
@bonehugsnirony: [someone compliments me] Me: thanks Brain: act weird around them and ruin everything Me: please don't Brain: lol yes