@TheNardvark: There should be a morning after pill for Supreme Court decisions.
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@SortaBad: My neighbors hurt some bystanders by illegally setting off fireworks. If only there had been a good guy with fireworks around to stop them
@drinksmcgee: I saw someone use "Terrierist" instead of "Terrorist" and I don't know whether I should be afraid of my dogs or not.
@ClickBaite: [Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.