@NikiWithIssues: There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"
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@TheDairylandDon: Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma.
@ojedge: [train] MAN EATING NUTS: "Want one?" [offers bag] MAN IN TRENCHCOAT: "May I have… seven?" [coat rustles excitedly]
@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.