@NikiWithIssues: There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"
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@NicCageMatch: Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.
@thefurlinator: if you're havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they're all bottles of beer on the wall