@NoticablyBacon: Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single
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@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"
@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.
@Defiant_Doll: Me: That Febreze smells like Fireball. Roommate: Yeah, normal people call that cinnamon.