@NoticablyBacon: Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@UncleDuke1969: Date: "You're very tall! Do you play basketball?" Me: "You're very fat. Are you a sumo wrestler?"
@HanaMichels: I've yet to find a romantic comedy that speaks to me. Maybe if they set it in an institution or an Arby's restroom.
@therepoguy: My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.
@notacroc: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac