@Ham_Tornado: There's a fine line between a mirror and the end of this rolled up dollar bill.
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@pyepar: Left home on Friday night, got bck home on Monday night. Grandma: U kids dnt knw hw 2 party, wen I ws ur age, I'd come back after a month
@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
@FattMernandez: Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?