@abhorrent_wife: There's a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle.
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@ShawnGarrett: Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.
@trojansauce: [my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind
@ericsshadow: Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a "who wants to sleep on the couch" contest.
@Kirangandhi: Was feeling particularly adventorous today.so decided to jump off a moving train.now hav to buy my nephew a new train set