@SkunkFarts: There's a girl that I hate in my office that's white but looks like 'Precious'. I've been calling her "Pressure" & blaming my farts on her.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@goldengateblond: Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
@amydillon: Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as "Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."
@Barack_and_Joe: Obama: any good ideas in how to defeat isis? *Biden raises hand* Obama: besides assembling the Avengers? *Biden lowers hand*