@SkunkFarts: There's a girl that I hate in my office that's white but looks like 'Precious'. I've been calling her "Pressure" & blaming my farts on her.
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@trentistweeting: "doctor, help! my son shattered one of his kneecaps!" it's ok, the human body can survive on one kid-knee
@audipenny: Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope
@BuckyIsotope: *gives you the finger*gives you the spleen*gives you the bones*gives you all the other parts* Now build me a girlfriend like you promised.