@JayFinW: There's a Gulf between peoples' appreciation of cartoons. Dubai doesn't like the Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi do.
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@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
@TheBoydP: [work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*
@superdadatron: My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer...
@iLikeCatShirts: Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck.