@VestaTot: There's a little girl's voice that sings lullabies in my guest room closet but don't mind her; she died years ago. Here's your blanket.
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@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*
@TheRealRHB: Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen
@six_2_and_even: My wife is yelling THROW HER THROW HER during Olympic ice dancing with the bloodlust of 80,000 Roman citizens watching gladiators battle to the death.