@K8yH8y: There's a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: [cornerman sitting me down after the first round] ya gotta stop telling him you’re diabetic he doesn’t care
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.
@DaddyJew: The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff