@mrdaveturner: There's a woman reading the bible on the tube. Fighting the urge to lean over to her and say "He dies at the end".
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@KeetPotato: interviewer: if i said the meat here isnt real how would you sell it me: our chicken really is somethin else interviewer: welcome to subway
@BrettDruck: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work because the dog just goes "Cool, now we're both barking!"
@Elizasoul80: [God creating mosquitoes] "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."