@mrdaveturner: There's a woman reading the bible on the tube. Fighting the urge to lean over to her and say "He dies at the end".
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@economybacon: Carl: Everybody was Kung fu fighting! Doug: um, I don't know Kung f-- Carl: except for Doug from accounting
@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.
@TyWebb1980: *Arrives at the barbers* "I'd like some highlights please" *Barber puts on video of old haircuts*