@mrdaveturner: There's a woman reading the bible on the tube. Fighting the urge to lean over to her and say "He dies at the end".
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@gerryhatric: A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds. He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.
@BlindChow: *uses Oujia board* ＳＭＥＬＬＳ ＬＩＫＥ ＵＰＤＯＧ me: what's updog? ＮＯＴ ＭＵＣＨ, ＤＯＧ, ＪＵＳＴ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＯ ＰＯＳＳＥＳＳ ＹＯＵＲ ＣＡＴ me: what cat: what
@rzarosco: Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low...
@ktmcburr: "Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant"- no one, ever.